Mr. In God We Trust
Mr. In God We Trust

What’s in a Name?:

Recently a New Mexico man was denied his petition to legally change his name to “Fuck Censorship.”  The three judge panel ruled that they were not interfering with his freedom of speech, noting that he could call himself whatever he liked, but that the state had a compelling reason to deny the change because it would not, “comport with common decency.”

The same court had allowed, in 2004 the same petitioner to change his name from “Snaphappy Fishsuit Mokiligon” to it current form, the single word, “Variable.”

However, a school bus driver and amateur artist from the Chicago suburb of Zion was allowed to legally change his name, Steve Kreuscher (CROY-Shirz), to In God We Trust. With the change, Mr. We Trust will take the first name, In God. At the court house he explained to reporters that his name change was meant to symbolize the help that God gave to him during recent tough times. He has made no public indication as to why he has become plural.

Stupid Criminals, Part I:

A Fort Worth, Texas man named Don Enos, 57, had a reasonable plan when he walked into the downtown bank carrying a handgun and wearing a disguise (a fake beard and mustache with a wig). Mr. Enos reportedly told an employee:  “This is a robbery. I want the money from the drive-thru and the money from the cash register.”

After getting the cash, Enos – who, apparently, had taken a taxi to the bank – realized he didn’t have a get away vehicle. He asked the teller to drive him home, but she refused. The teller then offered to give Enos her keys, saying that her car was in the parking lot. It wasn’t.

After trying the key in every car and realizing he had been foiled, Enos attempted to steal the car of a woman at the drive-thru ATM. She asked if she would pull up a few feet and Enos agreed. She just kept driving.

“Smart lady,” said Lt. Paul Henderson.

Enos then attempted to steal the car of another woman who asked for a few minutes to get her children out of the back seat. Enos agreed, and while he was distracted by her actions, two men from inside the bank and two bystanders on the street tackled him and held him until the police arrived.

Lt. Henderson was quoted as saying, “he probably picked the wrong date to commit a bank robbery. Everything went wrong.”

Stupid Criminals, Part II:

Two men were recently detained at the Costa Rican / Panamanian border when they were found carrying $372,000 in cash. Police said that the two men appeared nervous after their car was stopped. Officials searched the vehicle and found the cash in a briefcase. When questioned by the police as to the reason they were carrying such a large amount of money, one of the men explained that they wanted to buy some bananas.

Bananas are currently valued at approximately $1.65 per pound in Costa Rica. The men are currently being held on suspicion of money laundering.

Recent Findings:

According to recent field studies, reports that homosexuality is far more prevalent in the Animal Kingdom than previously believed. The long list of animals that practice homosexual sex include bears, penguins, gorillas and dolphins. Scientist are left with a riddle, however. The sexual activity is not procreative, so there must be another mechanism at play.

Theories include that the behavior may strengthen bonds, or that it could be practice for heterosexual sex.

In October of 2007 a multi-national team of marine biologists discovered that the a full moon in spring time triggers a specific photo-receptor in coral which in turn triggers the release of sperm and eggs.

In the ocean the coral sperm fertilizes the coral eggs which then fall to the sea floor to, hopefully, lead to the formation of new colonies.

If conditions are persistently unfriendly to sexual procreation, coral have the ability to reproduce asexually.

Women wearing bikinis have been proven to reduce the cognitive abilities of men who see them – leading to more impulsive and self-damaging decisions.

Octopuses in the wild have violent, kinky sexual lives.

Cow urine may cure diabetes.

A man in Van Buren, Arkansas was recently arrested for kidnapping and beating his mother after her dog ate his pet skunk.

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About the Author

Michael Tallon, Editor-in-Chief, head writer and delivery boy, of La Cuadra Magazine, expatriated from the States 11 years ago. After spending a year in Antigua gasbagging about wanting to start an English Language magazine, he hit the road and wandered about South America, India and Nepal before finding himself sipping tea in Darjeeling and realizing that maybe it was time to head home and pick up the career path. That ill-fated adventure in New York lasted about 6 weeks before he headed back to Antigua, Guatemala, where John Rexer had actually started the magazine in his absence.

After a few months, Mike took over the magazine and has been going slowly broke since. On that note, Mike would like to invite advertisers, readers and potential patrons to send him free money.