India Rising (Slightly)

big-condom1A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international industry standards are too large for the majority of Indian men.

The study found that  more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter, on average, by between three and five centimeters.

Aside from all the snickering heard from the Chinese side of the Himalayas, this is a serious public health risk. Doctor Chander Puri, a specialist in reproductive health at the Indian Council of Medical Research told a reporter from BBC that there was an obvious need for country specific, custom made condoms for Indian men.

This is so because, according to the study, one in every five times a condom is used in India it either falls off or tears. That is an extremely high failure rate.

Dr. Puri felt that many men would be embarrassed to ask for smaller condoms from a pharmacist, and suggested that they be made available through vending machines.

Hard Time For Robbery:

On April 15, 2009, Russian Police in Kaluga announced the arrest of a female hairdresser who had kept a would-be robber as her sex slave for two days.

The robber had burst into the hair dresser’s shop, two days before, armed with a shotgun, but not with the knowledge that the proprietor was studying Judo and Tae Kwon Do.

Gracefully, and powerfully, the hairdresser disarmed the robber, dragged him to the basement and bound him to a chair with cords from electric hair-driers.

She returned upstairs and told her clients and employees that she would call the police and that they could leave for the day.

She never made the call.

Rather, she force fed her captive viagra and repeatedly sexually assaulted him for the following 48 hours.

She paid him the equivalent of $25 dollars upon releasing him, and when arrested, appeared surprised that he had turned her in.

The man claimed that his genitals had been damaged during the sexual abuse.

Responded the hairdresser, “That’s ridiculous. We had sex just a couple times. I brought him brand new jeans. I fed him every day and gave him one thousand rubles before his release.”

The robber admitted that the hairdresser fed him royally.

You Love to What?

ilvtofuThe Colorado Division of Motor Vehicles turned down a request from a vegan driver for a vanity license that expressed her deep felt love for soybean based food.

She had wanted her license plate to read, ILVTOFU, which could be construed as obscene.

Department spokesman Mark Couch told the Denver Post that “We don’t’ allow FU because some people could read that as street language for sex.”

That was news to Kelley Coffman-Lee, the 36-year-old Centennial woman who simply wanted to promote her love of soybean curd while tooling around town in her Suzuki. “My whole family is vegan so tofu is like a staple for us,” she told the Post. “I was just going to have a cool license plate and the DMV misinterpreted my message.”

Recent Findings:

Human beings are not descended from sponges. Both chickens and bees can count, but only bees experience mid-life crises. Viruses may someday provide a fuel source for automobiles. The Pope is cracking down on Miracles. Faster than light travel is not possible because warp drives are inherently unstable at superluminal speed.

Sorry Scotty, she just can’t do it!

All Stories in W.T.F. are researched for at least 7 minutes on line. We encourage you to send submissions, links and photos of your relatives  to:

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About the Author

Michael Tallon, Editor-in-Chief, head writer and delivery boy, of La Cuadra Magazine, expatriated from the States 11 years ago. After spending a year in Antigua gasbagging about wanting to start an English Language magazine, he hit the road and wandered about South America, India and Nepal before finding himself sipping tea in Darjeeling and realizing that maybe it was time to head home and pick up the career path. That ill-fated adventure in New York lasted about 6 weeks before he headed back to Antigua, Guatemala, where John Rexer had actually started the magazine in his absence.

After a few months, Mike took over the magazine and has been going slowly broke since. On that note, Mike would like to invite advertisers, readers and potential patrons to send him free money.